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The decadence of life scares me.


And not for myself, but rather loved ones.

Time and again I'm gripped by this one irrational fear: to lose a parent. This occurs sporadically, and it'll bring me down. It's not so much I dread their actual cause of death, but the inevitability.

It's rough, and is a quicker way to trigger me a fight-or-flight response... But granted, I feel many here can relate. Anyway, I'll lend further context on my mother -- for starters, her name is Diane.

She also reached her fifties, yet will live many more thanks to exercise. Moreover, Diane's a responsible woman, often working health care. She's charitable and quick to call people out for wrongdoing.

At home? She's caring as you'd expect; Diane pushed me to graduation and left many a valuable advice since. Even as we live separately, she sends biscuits or left-overs occasionally. Genuine super-mom.

So yeah, it weighs on me. No one had a larger impact, and to this day I still find myself asking, "how would she do it?" I know people aren't made to bottle up... So here I ask, how does one even cope?

If anything, I do feel better typing this.


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