I need to address this, Naryoril. Not only to end strife, but to at least save myself from... well, myself.
More to that, what took this so damn long is that I'm a coward, sweeping bad things beneath the rug without looking at long-term ramifications. This dawned on me upon losing a dear friend, so now I'm hell-bent on killing personal demons.
Starting with some context, I don't think myself highly as a person. Not in the moral sense, but as an individual altogether; I was bullied as a student, watching time and again as I saw sweethearts slip away... no thanks to my lack of initiative.
Moving onto the now, I became solely reliant on meeting people, so as to follow their examples on how to live a happy life; whether they be selfless or highly intelligent, I was inspired. I tend to choose my friends very, very deliberately.
Sadly, the prospect of this got to my head; it turned me into something ugly; something cruel to you.
I still think the implementation of DL Lives are sloppy, yet we could've had a mutual disagreement, and I'd have ended it at that point, absolutely. Instead, I insulted you, mocked your persistence and ran gossip away from the forums. Bad things.
Right then and there I became something that I hated most -- a bully -- and now it's tearing me apart.
Outstanding fucking hypocrisy, so you heard it from me! In some fairness, the catalyst wasn't entirely my doing; Setsuna poured her heart in an objective post, only for you to brush it off as fallacy. That is what angered me. Kicked everything off.
Beyond this, however, I did in fact go too far in what I gloried as retribution. Sweet revenge. I'm awful.
Truth be told, I'm rather envious of you; not only have you endured my abuse, you kept things cool under heavy contention with Setsuna. More yet, you indulge in an unadulterated love for your idol. A proper individual to learn from, if I ever saw one.
To be seen a malignant bastard is one of my worst personal failures -- it's enough to spite myself with cursing, even self-inflicted harm. I mean Christ, I damn-near ran my palm on the edge of a garden scythe... but abstinence got the best of things.
To think if my mom saw that? My deceased sister? I can at least atone for these acts... but overall, my actions were deplorable and I have no right to ask forgiveness, not to mention for others affected. Yet... I can at least try for an understanding.