Now I have had a chance to set up a temporary remote presence, it's time to explain what happened. (I was typing on a tablet for the original post, and that's awkward).
Basically, I live on a horizontally subdivided house (With the 2nd floor being a separate residence) and what happened was a fire broke out on the ground floor. Waking up to an emergency is not how I wanted to start my day.
I booked it out of there the moment I realised what was going on. Sadly, I forgot to grab my cards, money (or even my shoes) and we're not allowed back in until they complete an investigation. We've no idea how it went down, apart from the fact we had nothing to do with it.