the incorrect translation for the "Blue symphony" song

[liza94]

http://www.project-imas.com/wiki/Blue_Symphony

I think the translation is incorrect. For example,

Breath for us, my heart is hot to the touch.
I should become the as-of-yet unknown me.
But, before I noticed it, I'd already known that me.
That's right... This must be magic, right?

should be

Breath for us, when I feel it, my heart becomes hot.
I had a feeling I became an unknown me,
but if I had noticed it in time, I would understand it.
That's right... It isn't magic.

Can someone who does know Japanese help me?

[ChocoCats]

Hmm... I like your translation better. It flows much better than the previous, but let's wait for someone who knows Japanese better than us.

[Maka]

I did a VERY quick glance over and it seems like that was the only section that was incorrect (and it's definitely not entirely correct)? There might be other inaccuracies but the rest seems pretty solid.

EDIT: there are a few other minor mistakes but I'm on my phone so I can't correct them at the moment.

[Miyuka]

Actually, the Japanese text was also wrong, making translation more difficult.

breath for us 感じるたび 胸が熱くなって
知らない自分になった気がした (not なって)
だけど、気づいたから ちゃんと、わかったから (not わかったか)
そうだ… これは魔法なんかじゃない

Even though the current translation is much better, some problems still remain:

• 知らない自分 is "myself that I had never known before".
• だけど、気づいたから ちゃんと、わかったから is can be either "however, because I was able to understand it [= my new self] from the very moment I noticed it" or "however, as I noticed it and was able to understand it". However, taking the punctuation into account, the latter is more likely what is meant.

[liza94]

Actually, the Japanese text was also wrong, making translation more difficult.

breath for us 感じるたび 胸が熱くなって
知らない自分になった気がした (not なって)
だけど、気づいたから ちゃんと、わかったから (not わかったか)
そうだ… これは魔法なんかじゃない

Even though the current translation is much better, some problems still remain:

• 知らない自分 is "myself that I had never known before".
• だけど、気づいたから ちゃんと、わかったから is can be either "however, because I was able to understand it [= my new self] from the very moment I noticed it" or "however, as I noticed it and was able to understand it". However, taking the punctuation into account, the latter is more likely what is meant.

I thought it was "kizuita nara"... I should have been more attentive! Thank you for your corrections, Miyuka!