THE iDOLM@STER > Characters
Miki Hoshii - Onigiri obsessive
Haldo:
I'm finding it's hard to put together all of Sev's backstories ._. I guess I'll get it when the fanfic comes out. BTW will Awakened Miki be in it?
Sev:
--- Quote from: OverlordIX on September 30, 2009, 04:09:03 pm ---What an irony, we're busting rocks from outer space. Only this time round in fighter jets instead of mechs. XD
--- End quote ---
the rock busting is a one time thing that Chihaya does to prove herself as a good pilot to all the other guys who think her Graduating at the top of her flight class was a fluke.
Yes their will be an Awakened Miki. Miki's fanfic "The Strigon's Redemption" deals with an inner conflict within Miki about the war. i don't want to give it all away but somewhere in the story Miki cuts her hair and goes with her Awakened look.
PS this means i've decided to write miki's fanfic first. Yukiho's will come second. and Chihaya's will come third. Before i do however i need a good callsign for Miki.
OverlordIX:
Awww yea. Cant wait for it! As for call sign... Erm... still thinking... lolz
Sev:
Little Piece of fanfic i wrote. i don't write stories in order so this part might be changed when i write the beginning.
The F-15 danced across the battlefield almost with no effort and slowly made its way towards Miki's direction.
"Strigon 14 you've got a bogey on your 6"
There it was that same fighter only now it was behind her. Miki began to go into a panic and it seemed no matter where she turned he was always behind her "I can't shake him".
What was once a battle that Miki was in total control of was now a desperate stuggle for survival. Miki tried every trick she knew but no matter how hard she tried he was always still there.
Now the battle became a matter of life and death as the Words WARNING began to flash over her HUD.
"He's got a lock on you Miki shake him off"
It was no use it would be over in a matter of nanoseconds all he had to do was push the button. She could almost see the pilot now squezing his finger on the triger and instantly ending her life. But, the moment never came.
"They're retreating" she overheard on the radio She looked behind her and saw that the F-15 that was chasing her less than seconds ago now headed off in the opposite direction.
"Strigon 14 are you alright" asked Takane
"I'm fine" she answered. What Takane didn't know was that Miki was still shaking and that her breathing was still panicked from the adeneline still coursing through her body as she came close to her death at the hands of the Emmerian pilot.
It seemed that Luck had saved her once again. But the question still remained, who was that pilot behind that F-15. He was very good and had shot down many of her comrades in the time she had seen him. Who was the man behind that Bird Emblem? Who Was Garuda?
Sam:
--- Quote from: Sev on October 01, 2009, 05:17:39 am ---Little Piece of fanfic i wrote. i don't write stories in order so this part might be changed when i write the beginning.
The F-15 danced across the battlefield almost with no effort and slowly made its way towards Miki's direction.
"Strigon 14 you've got a bogey on your 6"
There it was that same fighter only now it was behind her. Miki began to go into a panic and it seemed no matter where she turned he was always behind her "I can't shake him".
What was once a battle that Miki was in total control of was now a desperate battle for survival. Miki tried every trick she knew but no matter how hard she tried he was always still there.
Now the battle became a matter of life and death as the Words WARNING began to flash over her HUD.
"He's got a lock on you Miki shake him off"
It was no use it would be over in a matter of nanoseconds all he had to do was push the button. She could almost see the pilot now squezing his finger on the triger and instantly ending her life. But, the moment never came.
"They're retreating" she overheard on the radio She looked behind her and saw that the F-15 that was chasing her less than seconds ago now headed off in the opposite direction.
"Strigon 14 are you alright" asked Takane
"Im fine" she answered. What she didn't notice was that her hands were shaking and that she was breathing was still panicked the adeneline still coursing through her body as she came close to her death at the hands of the Emmerian pilot.
It seemed that Luck had saved her once again. But the question still remained, who was that pilot behind that F-15. He was very good and had shot down many 0f her comrades in the time she had seen him. Who was the man behind that Bird Emblem? Who Was Garuda?
--- End quote ---
Bird Emblem?!
Oh geez, you better not...
Now for some critique and random corrections in general:
--- Quote ---What was once a battle that Miki was in total control of was now a desperate battle for survival. Miki tried every trick she knew but no matter how hard she tried he was always still there.
--- End quote ---
You know, just to remove that repetition, you could change the "battle" in desperate to struggle.
That way, it doesn't sound like you ran out of words.
--- Quote ---"Im fine" she answered
--- End quote ---
... Apostrophe in the "I'm", that's it pretty much it.
--- Quote ---What she didn't notice was that her hands were shaking and that she was breathing was still panicked the adeneline still coursing through her body
--- End quote ---
Yay! I don't understand this at all!
If I'd try to fix it, I'd go:
quote]What she didn't notice was that her hands were shaking and that she was breathing still panicked the adeneline coursing through her body[/quote]
That's as far as I'd edit without thinking the original msg of the line was changed. :P
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