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Author Topic: My imas poems  (Read 6455 times)

digi162

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #30 on: January 28, 2010, 04:18:01 AM »
No offense, if any was caused.

I don't think there's anything to be offended about really, both you and Scotty are offering critique IMO.  I think it'd be worst to praise someone for their works when in reality you're not interested in what they've put together.
MCDONALDS x YAYOI FANFIC PLZ

RoninatorMarx

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #31 on: January 28, 2010, 04:55:29 AM »
There is no problem. You're just not thinking correctly.

By tone, I mean the author should set the emotion of the poem itself to match that of the idol. Also, you should look up the word autobiography, I don't think you know what it really means.

I'll give you a quick example.
Let's take Yayoi. She's cute, hyper, and energetic. Because of this, the author should make a poem that matches her personality. Set a bright and cheerful tone, full of quick fire descriptions and whatnot.

This works for any idol. But keep in mind that this is something I only suggested. Blake can keep doing what he's doing.

I understood that it was a suggestion and what it holds. >.> I just stated why it might NOT be a good idea. Elaborating:

Out-of-character routine: Kinda self-explanatory. But when I mentioned this, I never said who'd be under it. It could be done by Blake, as he was describing the character, but then he accidentally takes the role of a new character, not necessarily of the idol being described.

Of course it could instead lead to Blake unconsciously making a mistake in character interpretation, seeing as he might not become aware of he is doing so and could get both his way of expressing and the feel of the idol/s mixed up (also can justify the autobiography part. I mean, describing oneself in one point of life is still a part of that person's autobiography, no?).

Also, just to add, your poems lack a traditional structure. It looks like you're describing the character, rather than reciting a poem with your current structure.

That is a common misconception, Cien. In this modern world, people mistook the definition of "poetry" with "lyrical poetry" (or so I believe, seeing their forms are nearly the same) whereas most cliche forms fall under. Blake's poems are of the free verse type, which holds little to no musical pattern. Something I believe to be forgotten and buried under as the modern world progressed.

Oh and since it's free verse, I believe my message of just reading them with some passion (as mentioned earlier) is still the best way to read them.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2010, 04:57:13 AM by MarxMayhem »


Scotty

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #32 on: January 28, 2010, 05:58:01 AM »
A reader shouldn't have to approach any sort of literature with a set emotion or 'passion'. The author has to bring this out of the reader using his written art.

Stop defending and let the critique flow. It's best for Blake.

RoninatorMarx

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #33 on: January 28, 2010, 10:00:25 AM »
A reader shouldn't have to approach any sort of literature with a set emotion or 'passion'. The author has to bring this out of the reader using his written art.

That's........where I got the reading with passion thing with Blake's poems. >.>

What I said was nothing more than my outcome, my recommendation for everyone else who might not get it.

blake307

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #34 on: January 28, 2010, 04:16:58 PM »
I don't mind suggestions. As long as no one is bashing the way I do my poetry. I know my im@s poems could be better and that I have made a few mistakes in some of the characters poems. I just thought it would be alright if I made character poems describing what they were like, I never thought of using their image songs for the poems before. 
 
Thanks for the suggestions Scotty and Cien. Maybe for their first person view i'll use the names of their image songs in it.

Scotty

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #35 on: January 28, 2010, 07:40:22 PM »
As long as you understood what I was trying to get across Blake. Just describing a character does not a poem make.

RoninatorMarx

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #36 on: January 29, 2010, 05:53:59 AM »
I don't mind suggestions. As long as no one is bashing the way I do my poetry. I know my im@s poems could be better and that I have made a few mistakes in some of the characters poems. I just thought it would be alright if I made character poems describing what they were like, I never thought of using their image songs for the poems before. 

There's nothing wrong with describing a character for the contents of a poem. lol (Heck, some famous sonnets from the time were all about describing one person/place/etc.) ^^

Cien Laguoire

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #37 on: January 29, 2010, 10:16:12 PM »
Of course, but it's all in the matter on how that description is done. Blake was doing doing it rather bluntly, so to speak.

blake307

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #38 on: February 19, 2010, 11:30:38 PM »
My next two poems are different from the other one I usually write. I actually put more thought into these poems this time. Enjoy.

Lollipop, the word which comes in mind,
especially when the cuteness of Yayoi, Iori and the Futami twins are combined.
Whether they are together or apart,
No one can deny the purity and passion in their hearts.
With their combined talent and sweetness,
they are as amazing and glamorous as the moonlight priestess.
Though the three of them are different in their own special way,
the kawaiiness similarity they illustrate on stage is as clear as day.
When people observe this loveable loli trio
they can't help but cheer for then in harmony as they are the real deal.
When combined together as one,
there is nothing this astonishing and kawaii loli trio can't get done.

Sitting in the dark hole,
I hide from my fears like a ground mole.
I'm in realization that my uselessness isn't the way,
So I face forward headstrong on this magnificent day.
As I take several steps on my first stage,
My fans cheer for me in praise.
Like the Cosmos in the nocturnal sky
I am shining on as my idol dreams launch sky high.
When my best friend Makoto-chan is beside me,
It’s like I am standing on the beautiful blossoms under a cherry tree.
I am Yukiho Hagiwara.
With my friends by my side,
There is no doubt I will thrive.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2010, 11:39:58 PM by blake steel »

Cien Laguoire

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #39 on: February 20, 2010, 08:26:19 AM »
Not too bad. Certainly an improvement over your older poems. :)

Scotty

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #40 on: February 20, 2010, 03:51:49 PM »
Much better.

RoninatorMarx

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #41 on: February 20, 2010, 03:53:38 PM »
I see you tried something new. Since you decided to take on a more common form of poetry, may I suggest that you try following meters, etc(?).

This is just me, but I think you should stick to free verse. ;)

(Sorry, not much time in writing this. Will get back here tomorrow)

Sev

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #42 on: February 21, 2010, 02:34:45 AM »
i like both forms.
though rhymes break the norm

nice work blake.

  Like a bird in the sky I believe i can fly

blake307

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #43 on: February 27, 2010, 03:59:34 AM »
Ryo and Yumeko, a perfect pairing who was made for each other
Like a couple of lovers they are they cling on to one another.
With Ryo’s kindness and Yumeko’s friendliness,
They hug each other with pure tenderness.
Even with Ryo as a cross dresser,
Yumeko still sees him as considerate and appealing.
When Ryo reveals his manliness on stage.
Yumeko can’t help but fall in love with him as her heart rapidly pounds in a rage.
When they are together,
They realize their love for each other is invincible and will live on forever.
« Last Edit: February 27, 2010, 04:09:19 AM by blake steel »

blake307

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Re: My imas poems
« Reply #44 on: March 05, 2010, 10:28:27 PM »
This poem is dedicated to Eri-Nyan's birthday. Enjoy.

As I march on to the outside world,
I say goodbye to the net world and say hello to the real world.
Ahh, the sun is so shiny and bright,
There is nothing in the world more fascinating than this delightful daylight.
The sight of cats in the park,
It brings me warmth in my heart.
As I walk down towards 876 productions in a crossword pathway,
I excitedly march on as I think about what surprises await me today.
As I arrive,
Ai-chan, Ryo-san and Ozaki-san hollar, Surprise!
As I stare at their smiling faces,
I am filled with happiness knowing I have the gift of wonderful friends in this wonderful place.
As we all party on this day,
Those fun times and many others will never fade away on my special birthday.
I am Eri Mizutani, and today will live on in my memory forever as long as I live.