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Author Topic: Stepping down for a while.  (Read 996 times)

DeviantProtagonist

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Stepping down for a while.
« on: October 29, 2016, 10:03:41 AM »
Which by that? I mean a very long while.

When I first joined this community, I was star-struck with the pursuit of meeting people; it'd make for talk, laugher, gaming... and just being myself.

But recent events have made it abundantly clear I'm prone to lose my way. I've been reaching out to others, but I still haven't been fully redeemed.

Not yet.

Some things need time to mend, which I realized too little too late... These are things you don't know you can truly take back -- a no-win scenario.

To make matters worse? I've had a close friend demonizing me with little-to-no remorse -- do you have any idea what that does to my conscience?

I broke down, big time. I'll do my damnedest to make things better.

So, I will impose on myself a year-long hiatus, starting in November. I'll cease contact with the Idolmaster community and by extension its hobbies.

... Even if I'm to deprive myself of such pleasures? So be it. This'll be my solution to that no-win scenario; for growth, and if God willing, forgiveness.

I know few will be disheartened by this, so I'll leave you a memento:



I'm not that remarkable, but now you have a face. For those really aware, here was my sister:



These are the glory days, where you could worry about virtually nothing. I strive to live by good example, if only because I'm the one child really able to anymore.

Furthermore, it's not often I take from my Native American culture... but we go by seven teachings of words, and how they're representative to animals that give.

The bear represents courage; the wolf for humility; the eagle for love; the buffalo for respect; the turtle for truth; the beaver for wisdom; the raven for honesty.

Hell, I'm not even very traditional at all -- I'm more the apple that's red on the outside, white in -- but even then, to go against these examples just isn't my way.

For all fellow Producers here, please continue repping our idols to heart's content; I know you'll look after them. Any praise to Kotoha would also make me happy.

I'll miss your banter to say the least, but please treat each other well -- like a family. I can spare a few more days for replies... but I'm set on journeying myself.

See you in the next generation from now. Third Vision, maybe?
Suddenly, bow-wow-wow~. :3

MetalPredat0r

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Re: Stepping down for a while.
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2016, 05:41:40 PM »
While I'm still unaware of what exactly happened, I still feel slightly bad that it had to come to this.

But at the same time, I wholeheartedly respect your decision to take some time off. Sometimes, it's best to just do that when things get a bit too hectic.

Hopefully you can come back in a better position next year, my friend. Stay safe and god speed.
Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
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Hime Idol

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Re: Stepping down for a while.
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2016, 12:48:50 AM »
Take the time off and enjoy yourself. I'm even teetering on the edge of just giving up on IM@S at this point after all of the copyright strikes and BS going on everywhere, even in real life it seems. Everything just seems to be going all to hell recently.

Though I'll still hold that Leon keychain for you. I'll hide it away in a drawer and it'll be yours for the taking in one year if you still want it.
I'd appreciate any help anyone has to offer. The games and DLCs are very expensive and I'd really appreciate whatever you guys can send. My PayPal.Me link: paypal.me/HimeIdol

DeviantProtagonist

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Re: Stepping down for a while.
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2016, 08:51:33 PM »
You know? I'm down to take that keychain now. I mean, jeez... I'm already feeling sentimental about the drawer comment.

What also made me sentimental was the gaming night I pushed for, with fellow members of this forum. It brought me back, made it feel like home.

Those times are precious. I'll never forget that.

So with this being the final day, and having spoke with various people, I'm now more confident with the result of my decision:

We'll slash up that year-long haitus to simply a month, just in time for Christmas and Yukiho's birthday. Yeah, the stars have aligned with this one.

In hindsight, I think one of my bigger problems is I'm too hard on myself. It reminds me what Nayoril said of not bothering taking things to heart.

Incidentally, it's not often I take to that advice.

Moreover, there is one reason I try to fight peoples' battles -- I want to help them... but little do I know I ill-often help myself.

A year of self-loathing won't solve anything. Even yet, it'd turn away the very reason I joined Project iM@S. Seems like I lost sight of myself, again.

Now I've given myself a snap to the head. Ow.

In recognition to my goal to self-fulfillment, though, I do still intend to take time off. Only now? I can do it without self-destruction; I'll actually grow.

Stress relief would also be a good reason, too.

Finally, I wish to part words with an old friend, who held back no harsh words in critisizing me. You know full well who you are.

I sincerely hope that whatever you do or even think will be best reflective to you as a person. We've been friends for a reason.

I'll now attempt to reach that, one last time.

I've firmly established my sins, made peace with victims like Nayoril, then extended my hand in friendship. What more must I do?

... Would others even commit to that at all?

Now you see the source of my frustration. It saddens me, yet I also flare up in anger when I feel powerless to find something; make it better for us.

Granted, this lent to a destructive mindset, so both that and my desperation for amnesty are why I opted for so deep a punishment with this haitus.

Even then, there's no guarantee that would have worked... so I gotten that out of the way.

Overall, please think better of me. There was virtually no other reason I went so far as I did.

I still hope for even a 1% chance. Farewell.
« Last Edit: October 31, 2016, 10:14:07 PM by DeviantProtagonist »
Suddenly, bow-wow-wow~. :3

Rin

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Re: Stepping down for a while.
« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2016, 06:35:16 PM »
Seems like I lost sight of myself, again.

Well, if this is the case, then maybe you were never really 'lost' to begin with. More to the point, I feel like it might be just part of who you are? Of course, I don't mean that in a bad way. People just get mixed up or confused sometimes. I don't see that as a good reason to separate yourself from the people that enjoy your company. If anything, they can help you if you're open with them, and I'm sure they know you would want to help them the same if they had any issue.

Finally, I wish to part words with an old friend, who held back no harsh words in critisizing me.

I know well enough how this stuff hurts. I had to go through it from two different people at the same time, about two years ago. I managed to salvage something with one of them, mostly because he made a relatively innocent mistake, but I don't think I can ever forgive, nor do I miss, the other one due to how quickly and violently he turned on me despite spending upwards of three years together, the three of us.

Also, for what it's worth, I have spent time thinking and I don't find myself bothered by what started my side of our disagreement. I always said I understood that everyone has their own opinions and interests, yet that was the one thing I couldn't stand for. I'm sorry for even making it possible to be an issue.

My point is, through all of this, some things don't have to be done alone.
« Last Edit: November 02, 2016, 05:47:57 AM by Rin »
What will I paint on the pure-white tomorrow that spreads to its limit?
What will I paint on the tomorrow dyed pitch-black by reality?
Through struggle, we shine.

DeviantProtagonist

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Re: Stepping down for a while.
« Reply #5 on: November 24, 2016, 12:00:10 PM »
We're nearing the end, so I'll leave closing thoughts. Some may want to deliberate with what I will say:

You can either be a fan to protect what you love from everything... or you can be one where you'll need to face your lumps, learn from them, then grow stronger.

It's a matter of regression verses progression, and far too many Producers take the latter for granted. I did just that, as well, but I've driven myself out of it finally.

Even then, there'll always be one too many here who hold themselves back. If it can be helped, know this has been, and always will be, my drive for good things.

Well, if this is the case, then maybe you were never really 'lost' to begin with. More to the point, I feel like it might be just part of who you are? Of course, I don't mean that in a bad way. People just get mixed up or confused sometimes. I don't see that as a good reason to separate yourself from the people that enjoy your company. If anything, they can help you if you're open with them, and I'm sure they know you would want to help them the same if they had any issue.

I know well enough how this stuff hurts. I had to go through it from two different people at the same time, about two years ago. I managed to salvage something with one of them, mostly because he made a relatively innocent mistake, but I don't think I can ever forgive, nor do I miss, the other one due to how quickly and violently he turned on me despite spending upwards of three years together, the three of us.

Also, for what it's worth, I have spent time thinking and I don't find myself bothered by what started my side of our disagreement. I always said I understood that everyone has their own opinions and interests, yet that was the one thing I couldn't stand for. I'm sorry for even making it possible to be an issue.

My point is, through all of this, some things don't have to be done alone.

That's no doubt very painful, Rin. Never could I stand to lash at people, so know I'm still a willing friend.

Sadly, there are issues wherein they become so complicated to address openly. I've reached out, but there's really only one person to close my wound fully; make no mistake, I do miss the guy and those clever puns.

It might be a childish dream, but hell, I'll roll with it. Even if I'm met with all the venom and blind eyeing in the world, I refuse to turn my back on him; I'd always thank him for befriending me; for bringing me here. Period.

Nevertheless, I'm no longer afraid. During my absence, I've learned to better control my negative emotions, so as to direct them more for a cause over ruin -- you never really change, but you can adapt for the merrier.

I'll look to defy the expectations of those who deem my worst in things. Consider that much a promise.

Beyond this? You're right, nobody is truly alone. I feel it's about time to let you in on something extraordinary; while several things accounted for my decision to leave for only November, this arguably bore more weight.

A very special someone wished to lend their encouragement; it inspired me to cherish her way more than ever. I won't say who or how out of respect... but it says even big people do think small, where it really counts.

Given the incentive, I'll fight on as her fan. See you next week on Discord as now I've owed everything.
Suddenly, bow-wow-wow~. :3

mariokirby

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Re: Stepping down for a while.
« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2016, 06:24:09 AM »
Well, you did your job and held out your hand to apologize to Naryoril, and it seems like he wants to forgive/forget. 

So, thank you, Naryoril for helping to resolve this conflict.

And, you also held out your hand to your other friend.  I hope someday your other friend whoever he is will come to his senses and respect Naryoril’s decision.  And, shake your hand.   If not, well…then I’ll shake your hand just because I don’t like seeing an empty-handshake.

But, you keep marching forward.   And, be proud that you’re someone who can acknowledge his mistake, improve himself, and strive to be a better person. 

And, don’t worry.  We all have to watch out for each other.  We’ll let you know if you’re messing up again.