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Author Topic: Setsuna wil be absent - House caught fire  (Read 3763 times)

DeviantProtagonist

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Re: Setsuna wil be absent - House caught fire
« Reply #15 on: August 18, 2015, 05:21:24 AM »
By her consent, I've opted to post a reflection of Setsuna's thoughts after the event. This came from reddit, so any indulgence to reading would verily be appreciated.

Quote
I do apologise for the vague title, but I think I need to write this for my own personal mourning process. This isn't a request for anything, I think I need to write this to get over the losses, and I just want to tell the story. Sure long term help would be nice, (because who wouldn't take it?) but I guess I just want to talk.

Let's start from the beginning - In Revesby, NSW Australia on the 15th August 2015, a fire broke out on the floor below where I live.

https://au.news.yahoo.com/nsw/a/29271821/woman-suffers-burns-in-sydney-house-fire/

Fortunately, I'm not the woman in question - I dragged her out, because I lived upstairs (She was in the epicentre of the fire and the fire wiped out her entire floor.) although being upstairs while the fire was going while thinking of going to sleep was probably the closest I ever got to picking the wrong choice and dying.

But as I said, this is gaming related. The woman we did get out is still in serious condition, and I'm still very thankful for what little I got out with (my life). The greater tragedy is hers, (And the kids who were with her) but even so, I want to write this.

The place gutted the entire bottom floor, but a lot of the first floor (Where I resided) survived. We haven't been allowed back in yet, but the presence of Abestos will most likely mean anything that did survive is a total loss. Nope, none of it was insured, but even if it was, I don't think a lot of the items could be replaced.

... I've been an avid gamer, with easily 20 active years of playing. PS1, PS2, PS3, X360, PSP, Vita, DC, GC, Saturn, PC, DS, 3DS, with some SNES, SMS, NES and Atari games tucked away in some corner. I've gone through Steam, did massive mainstream stuff, seen the really dark and weird ends. I don't know how many people would know about all the games I'd talk about but... you know.

For me, gaming has been pretty much my one companion over the years. A lot of my life has changed, I've moved out, I've gotten jobs, I've stopped talking with my family, I've survived a few medical emergencies including removal of a tumour out of my right hand (which means this fire is yet another thing I managed to survive) but even though gaming is supposedly something we grow out of, it's been part of who I've been. Maybe it's better to say that being able to view worlds as per other people's visions are the closet thing I've had to a family.

... And I think I need to write a massive apology, at least to all the games that I collected over the years.

I had a soft spot for atelier games in particular, since I collected the Gust Store releases, so I apologise to Gust for having to lose all the CEs, CDs and other extras that I accumulated over the years. In particular, a curtain which had one of the most heartwarming scenes within Atelier Meruru was probably one of the things I valued the most. Totori and Mimi are always adorable, particularly when one is fumbling around.

I might not have liked the Dusk trilogy as much as the Arland, but still. Many laughs, cliched or not, were to be had, and so much of the world was so different to gaming as a whole at the time. Hell Atelier Marie was one of my favourites, and doing crazy things like Meruru solo runs and breaking game engines was fun.

I want to aplogise to GajinGames, for losing the PS3 physical of Coh2G. Sure, to most people, it's just a crappy anime clone, but I'm a sucker for that, really. Atlus too for porting over Class of Heroes 1, and the hours I spent sneaking around a dungeon trying to not get murdered by a deep/antimagic tile had its merits.

To CAVE - I apologise for not being as a hardcore devotee to the bullet hell shooter genre than I should have been, particularly on the X360 releases. Yes, I did manage to one credit Mushihime-sama in arrange mode just once, but I never did go down the audatious pixel perfect path as much as we should have. Sure, it can be frustrating, but skill levelling up is a thing.

To Namco Bandai - I'm really sorry for letting the signed discs by Chikashi (Azusa's VA) and composer Shiina Go get lost. Yes, the DLC is frightully expensive, but having talked with those in the industry and understanding how they work had me intrigued. Sure, a lot of the DLC I might still have (If the consoles themselves and the discs are lost) may still live on, but particularly considering the projects I had run over the years, I will miss the absence greatly, particularly considering my journey into the Japanese Xbox gaming section for me started with idolm@ster 1 and Live for you.

For those asking, no, you'd be quite surprised how sanitised the idol producing world in im@s is protrayed. If anything, the REAL industry is a lot more depressing, because idols and producers will do everything to do what it takes to get their jobs. If your producer says 'Do this so you can get more popular' if you're an idol, you'd trust him or her because it's his job (or you find a new manager) and that trust bond warps, particularly when you consider that entering at a younger age is a thing.

Then of course there's their other franchises. Super Robot Wars was always a laugh, and I always liked some of the absurdity, like a Bonta-kun blowing up a Super.

I wish I could have spent more time smacking away at drums using the Wii Drum set. Sure, it's a simple game, and the base needed to be bolted down to something so smacking it wouldn't run away from you, but I wish I could have spent more time, in simple drum play.

Strangely, I'd even want to apologise to Sega - I never did finish Shenmue, even though it was on the shelf for years. I was too busy in the dropathon that was Phantasy Star. Even though so much of the time we had such a love/hate relationship because of all the odd business decisions Sega would do (Valkryia Chronicles 3's decision about platform and release hurt, but I picked up the PSP release anyway, and even though I don't think I quite got over Sonic 2006 well... you know.) the times we did spend together was probably one well travelled, even if I wanted to punch Sega in the face about half the time.

Then again, Hatsune Miku was always a thing, and even now, although I have nothing, I can probably sing parts of Tell Your world, which... is rather apt, considering what I'm writing. Treasure I'd have to apologise for, because there is now one less physical disc of Guardian Heroes in the world.

Then there's Idea Factory. I still want to murder you guys over the terrible, terrible Hyperdimension Neptune (I had the original Japanese release, and prior to the patches it was downright terrible) for nearly dethroning Secret of the Stars (which I also was unfortunate enough to have the cart for) as the one game I would talk about in depressing, depressing undertones of terrible gaming.

Eventually you guys improved. I never got around to even touching Producing Perfection, which I was so looking forward to, and I don't think I'll ever be able to either.

Still, some of the best moments included the original EN ad for Aragest, which still to me is probably one of the best examples of advertising, and the rebirth series made the Neptunia series playable.

Sure, there's still the various other games (soul edge and the army based games) which I had a guilty pleasure for, and even though sometimes you had to wonder if IF earnt their rep as a terrible game company, they perservered anyway and made it through.

To Konami and Kojima - I was even working on Peacewalker, but it looks like that journey will never complete. Granted, my stealth tactics often involved crawling up to them from behind, setting off the alarm then punching them in the face afterward probably means I need more work in my metal gearing, but it was good for a laugh, even if Otakon ends up being annoying for screaming his name too much.

Silent hill.... I don't know why I kept picking up the games. I jump shock really badly. Maybe I hated myself too much, even as I bought in.

Then there's silly stuff like Tokemeki Memorial and Love Plus (And Plus Plus.) Yes, they're silly silly designs, but at the same time, it was really fascinating, and I apologise for not trying them out even though they were all there and I kept telling myself 'I'll start it tomorrow'

Then there's falcom. Ys, Legend of heroes (Even the ones on the PSP released by NBGI which are confusing to say the least) and Zwei!!. I dunno why I remember that one in particular, maybe it's just the colourfulness.

Then there's Capcom - I was terrible at Street fighter, but I grabbed some of the games anyway. I'm really bad with shock horror games, but I could play Resident Evil games with a friend, even if he constantly made fun of me in the process.

Then there's Megaman games, which I cut my teeth on (Fortunately, not quite literally even though sometimes I wanted to rip my hair out) and X, and Zero...

I did mention Atlus in parting before, but I'm really sorry for not devoting enough time to the Persona line, Eterian Odessy, or even the unopened copy of Dance All Night. I'm a sucker for music rhythm games, particularly absurd ones, and I'm horribly guilty for not ever finishing P3, P3F or the PSP rerelease, or even P4 or the Vita release either.

Then again same could go for EO - Dungeons incomplete, things I would put off for later...

And SNK, even though it's a shadow of its former self, I remember the height of the KoF/SF wars, and their classic shooters, even though I was objectively terrible at KoF.

Metal Slug, on the other hand I wish I could revisit, particularly with a friend or two, but... well. The evasions, the grenading, the stealing the tank from your partner cause you can. The fun times complete with Independence day references and straight up trope absurdity.

I even (for a lark) picked up some of the really absurd SNK titles. Yes, they were bad, but they were cheap. Now I wish I actually cracked open the DS games in question. One was a dating sim and the other was.... well, I'm surprised they were allowed to publish the second.

Then there's the mainstream. I never did finish the challenges in GTA IV, and even though I had picked up a copy of V, was thinking I could get back to that later.

Max Payne - I wasn't sure if I really liked how 3 closed, but 1 and 2 were great noire moments I wish I could go back and revisit.

Metal of Honour - Back before I developed massive motion sickness, I remember when the games used to be good. Okay, other FPSes (CoD) took over but I still remember back when WW2 shooters weren't an oversaturated thing.

Heck I remember the hilarity of the original Battlefield 1942. Those discs are gone, and I don't think I'd be able to go back there ever.

I was even working on Faster than Light but I don't think I'll be able to go to that again anytime soon. The countless hours of raging at the RNG (I missed 22 shots in a row once, on easy, on the second jump, and died) but trying to beat the odds was always a thing for me.

Then there's the games you don't talk about, the games you probably don't want your mother to see and the games you don't want anyone to know about.

And I'm sure there's a whole lot of other games I've missed. It's only Tuesday, and there were a raft of other games which... just seem to be on the tip but you can't quite put your finger on. I don't think I'm completely done yet either, but maybe this was a good start.

Then there's the little things. Sure, I'd be able to one day return to playing League of Legends and DotA2, although I suspect I'll never be able to go to the International or Worlds.

My accounts still exist (Even though I play on NA with a 200 ping) but logging in is probably not going to happen for a long time. The riot games wasn't a very purchased account (All the content there was free, or a gift) and I played mostly coop (Because you know, ragers and the like sort of put me off having fun) but its... one of those things you'll miss for a while.

And yes, even though Dota's free, being thrown random items was always nice.

There's probably a little bit of hope there maybe though. Even though there's so many maybes, and what ifs, and things I should have done....

At least in the gaming world I'll get one more shot at trying to travel those paths. I was pretty close to not doing so... if I had decided to take that nap instead of checking what that fire crackling nose was, I don't think I'd be writing this.

... And even though it's such a pain, I have to start somewhere again. Even if it's to watch the likes of Dash needling Phreak, or to get back to Konregate and start up a quick flash game.

All the game experiences may be missed (and more besides) but... maybe I'll come back to them.

... I'm just not sure if I'm quite over all the shock yet. I'm thinking of somehow getting a camera, sneaking in and taking pictures. I know I shouldn't given the risks, since they haven't cleared anyone (and I may never be allowed to access the place)

There... is just so much. Sure, I had to provide a witness statement, but even then...

I'll have to figure something out. I know that I have to keep moving, but I think I need time to look back.

Thank you for reading to the end and putting up with a gamer who just needs to look back. And maybe, you'll remember that even if it's just an experience saying 'I'll do it tomorrow' may end up being 'I'll never do it'.

I also apologise if I seem to callous about it, I guess I never had that much of a connection to begin with. As I said, I think I just need to talk and slowly accept the circumstances, even if the initial angles seem a bit... weird.

It truly is surreal, so I'll echo everyone's sentiment. But, for having such a long road, I'm grateful she'll be able to continue this at all. I'll see to it as a long-term friend.
Suddenly, bow-wow-wow~. :3

MetalPredat0r

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Re: Setsuna wil be absent - House caught fire
« Reply #16 on: August 18, 2015, 05:31:38 AM »
By her consent, I've opted to post a reflection of Setsuna's thoughts after the event. This came from reddit, so any indulgence to reading would verily be appreciated.

It truly is surreal, so I'll echo everyone's sentiment. But, for having such a long road, I'm grateful she'll be able to continue this at all. I'll see to it as a long-term friend.

My condolences go out to her.
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Amazing_Grace

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Re: Setsuna wil be absent - House caught fire
« Reply #17 on: August 18, 2015, 07:38:19 AM »
...Wow.
It really puts things in perspective, hearing about things like this.

I'm so glad you're alright, Setsuna. You've done so much great, hard work for this community, and I'm very happy to hear that at the least, you seem to be physically safe.

But losing so much has got to be really hard on you emotionally. I'll keep you in my prayers, and feel free to shoot a PM if you just need someone to talk to.


ONWARDS, AOSHIMA!!!

mariokirby

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Re: Setsuna wil be absent - House caught fire
« Reply #18 on: August 18, 2015, 09:25:48 AM »
Wow.  I didn't realize that you were an avid gamer.  You remind me of my older brother who played a ton of games on almost every console.  Even the older ones on the NES and SNES. (Sadly, he doesn't play as much nowadays).

I haven't played all the games you mentioned, but I do know about most of them thanks to my older brother. 

I can understand how important video games are for you since I grew up playing many video games myself.  It's a great loss to part with something that you interacted with and collected for years and years.  It's almost like a close friend/family member.

I know it's frustrating and depressing to deal with tragedies and loss especially one after another.  It's okay to look back as that helps us rethink our philosphy and see things in a different perspective.   The important thing as you mentioned is to keep moving forward like you always been doing and never lose hope.  You have a lot of people who are worried about your well being.

If anything, your experiences has taught me some valuable life lessons.  There will definitely be a time when I'll have my own share of losses.  And, I must prepare for that.  But, how do I cope with that?  Do I have a support system?  Should I talk with my family more often?  Is there something else I could rely on during times of distress?

If I did meet you in real life, then I would like to personally thank you.  Not just for what you have contributed here.  But, for sharing your story and showing everyone how human a gamer is.
« Last Edit: August 18, 2015, 09:27:29 AM by mariokirby »

Naryoril

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Re: Setsuna wil be absent - House caught fire
« Reply #19 on: August 18, 2015, 10:51:49 AM »
I also learned something from your experience: i should finally get my act together, recalculate the value of all the stuff i have and change my insurance accordingly... Though i'm in the same boat as you, a lot of the stuff i have couldn't be replaced (i also have a quite extensive game collection for example)

Setsuna

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Re: Setsuna wil be absent - House caught fire
« Reply #20 on: August 18, 2015, 03:17:01 PM »
... Well, I guess I have a reputation for being rather calculating and I'm fairly good at keeping things to myself.

I'm jut working through things, one at a time. And mostly trying to get some sleep while I think of things I need to do (Like secure somewhere on a long term basis, and getting enough things to get something remotely normal)

Of course, I'm not sleeping very well, but that's to be expected, I guess. I do apologise for being rather intermittent at the moment.
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Setsuna

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Re: Setsuna wil be absent - House caught fire
« Reply #21 on: August 18, 2015, 04:59:37 PM »

I know it's frustrating and depressing to deal with tragedies and loss especially one after another.  It's okay to look back as that helps us rethink our philosphy and see things in a different perspective.   The important thing as you mentioned is to keep moving forward like you always been doing and never lose hope.  You have a lot of people who are worried about your well being.

If anything, your experiences has taught me some valuable life lessons.  There will definitely be a time when I'll have my own share of losses.  And, I must prepare for that.  But, how do I cope with that?  Do I have a support system?  Should I talk with my family more often?  Is there something else I could rely on during times of distress?

If I did meet you in real life, then I would like to personally thank you.  Not just for what you have contributed here.  But, for sharing your story and showing everyone how human a gamer is.

I've been writing on and off below. I think I'll be updating as I go along there, because well, the wisdom of wider crowds helps.

http://redd.it/3hdzp6

To be really honest? It's really hard to know how you'll end up behaving when things really crunch down. I mean, I went from 'Too cold, want to take a nap- what the hell is that sound?' to 'That's a lot of smoke for some prank' to 'Uh oh, that's a fire, I better get down there' to 'She looks really bad, I better see if we can stop the fire' to 'Holy crap that's huge, Okay, everyone out now' and 'Wait, where's my roommate?'

After I ran my check for my roommate, I actually did think for a millisecond 'Could I move any of my hardware?' and 'Where's my backpack?' and then I started coughing, and remembered that fire isn't what kills you, it's the heat and the smoke, so I practically jumped down the stairwell, running into a neighbour on the way out, who asked me 'Was anyone else up there?' cause I think he saw me run inside. I figured that anything I could have done in the short time I was up there would be of any real consequence (I mean what could I possibly do, run towards the fire and grab the PS3?') and hanging around up there was a really, really bad idea.

Most of my actions were all reflex, and I guess I kept my pro gamer mentality by looking back at it, and going 'What should I do better, and what correct reactions can I shove into my reflexive movements?', which is why I'm probably analysing what I'm thinking now, even though someone else pointed out that a rational mind doesn't function in instances like this. I think the fact I'm trying to do it helps me make more 'correct decisions' in heavy pressure situations, and at least I can confirm that from other people (Although sometimes I'm not convinced myself)

My problem is I get like this because being in situations that could possibly kill me isn't new. I mean, it's not the first time I've been in situations that could realistically kill me, and practicing that will... pretty much get you killed, at least if you go out seeking practice, anyway.

It probably also helps that I've worked in logistics and in occupational health and safety. I've managed buildings before, and I do take evacuations and fire drills and stuff like that seriously, but that's because I've been involved in incidents, and I know why (from bitter experience) why you do these things, and why you have to be very conservative about your risk assessments in regards with your decisions during them - It's not like an exam or a test or even a job where if you screw something up, you can resit/redo what you messed up or whatever.

Anything you do in a scenario like this is permament, and 'Well, I forgot that fire can spread to ethernet cables' can result in lost cables in the best instance. It COULD also result in the fire spreading in a way which will cut off your exit and kill you. It could result in you using water on an electrical device and causing a secondary threat.

Fortunately, the experience I gained wasn't conducted by me (But rather some well meaning employee who tried to put out a computer fire with a water fire hose) but that was a lesson to be made - I remember running up to the floor via the fire exit to clear out that floor, and when I saw the water, the computer on fire and six people on the floor twitching, the first thing I did was shut the door, run to the electrical switches and when I ran into the firemen halfway down (it was a 32 floor building) I told them about it, and they sent someone with me while I let them handle the switches themselves after I guided him to it.

I was told afterwards that only two people in that corner of the office were initially affected... the other 4 people ran across thinking they understood the situation, and well, yeah. A more cynical person would point out that they failed their OH&S tests.

It probably shows why I tend to try to understand everything before I say anything, because I like to be significantly sure about my actions before I do them. A big side effect is that I tend to be a party pooper, or not fun to be around with, and I guess it's why I tend to keep to myself a lot of the time.

So the only things that could prepare you (apart from being forced to like me I guess) is to understand that anything you do in a high risk situation is permament, and that you can't correct any mistakes you make when you're dead because of bad assumptions. So if/when you see the next fire drill, try to understand why as opposed to going 'Well, this is pointless'. and remember 'If you lose your stuff and you live, you can fix that. If you save some stuff and die, you can't fix that.'

Basically in high pressure situations always pick the option that has the highest chance of you actually living, I guess. You can fix lost stuff, but you can't fix dead.

Also given how I tend not to have many friends or people I associate with, I sort of learnt how to operate on a support structure that's very bare bones. I don't have family to fall back on. My roommate's mother is closer to me than mine, and I'm stupidly grateful she's been kind enough to let me stay right now. I'm forced to focus so much more on what I have to do (Even though I'm so very tired and frayed) because I can't and don't expect a support structure.

I mean unless I somehow get access to my stuff, my net worth is literally the clothes on my back and the stipend the government has kindly paid me to finish studying a course I was working on prior to this event. (I was doing a distance course)

I don't know and suspect you probably don't WANT to practice independence by force. You basically remember that you have to keep moving, because charity and support are just that. You have to plan to be without. I'm probably not going to sleep on a bed for months. I have to slowly build up my clothing, slowly get a PC again, set up a net connection, and that's after we find a place to stay again. I have to get the bond from the old place back, and find a place we can use long term.

I'll need to reobtain my documents (ID passport, etc), focus on getting the basics like a working kitchen.

Then, maybe, then I'll focus on trying to doing stuff like finding a TV that works to the specs I require it for. Then maybe look into a console. And a HDCP breaker/splitter. Then maybe a capture card that works to spec, and the SAS to get functionality back and...

And the fact I can list all of that shows that I can focus even when I haven't slept for the entire day. I have to claw it back, and in all honesty, why should anyone help me? It's not like it happened the first time (The buildup for this phase started in 2008) so I have no expectations that I'll get any. Sure, I'd appreciate any help, but I cannot expect any, and I sure as hell can't demand it. I'll probably do it faster this time around, but even if I know what I'm doing, these things take money and time I have to scratch up.

Problem is that building up that level of resilience comes at significant costs... and I don't think many people are prepared to devote the time or pay the costs of building the required skills, since if you do them properly, you can't just 'turn them off' without feeling guilty.

And even then, you'll run the risk of losing it, even if the event in question wasn't caused by you (Considering the fire happened downstairs, I have zero ability to stop whatever happened there, since it's their residence) which means you have to learn to accept losses, eventually. Sure, I could complain like all hell that she started the fire, but that doesn't help me, and sure as hell doesn't help her (She's in hospital still. You want me to kick a woman who might die while she's down in front of her kids?) Her life is going to be hell if the fire report puts the blame squarely on her, because the insurance company, the landlord and/or the department of public prosecutions will either sue for the loss of property, or in the last case, for reckless endangerment of her kids (And probably me since I was in the building)

... Even though I KNOW all the above, I have to be able to do things better. I couldn't afford the insurance, and I should have. Maybe I'll react faster next time. Do more things in less time. Prepare better, know where the hose is, know more.

It can get obsessive, but... I know when in situations like this, making mistakes or underestimating anything can be fatal. I guess ultimately you have to invest in you and your ability to do things yourself, and try to find your own inner strength.

... It can be very lonely, particularly if you get any good at it though.

Apologies if I seem unfocused. As I said, there are consequences for this sort of thing.
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hibikiii

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Re: Setsuna wil be absent - House caught fire
« Reply #22 on: August 18, 2015, 08:36:35 PM »
Sending condolences from my entire dance group. You helped us a lot. If there's anything we can do to help, let us know. <3
T O P !!
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Setsuna

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Re: Setsuna wil be absent - House caught fire
« Reply #23 on: August 22, 2015, 04:18:15 PM »
There were casualties

http://i.imgur.com/77WTnBL.jpg
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Setsuna

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Re: Setsuna wil be absent - House caught fire
« Reply #24 on: August 24, 2015, 06:29:02 AM »
First update:

Clearing things out one suitcase at a time (since we can't afford a mover.)

The first thing you learn is that some games are more equal than others.

Some pictures of the damage (some are on the bottom floor though):

http://imgur.com/oC4z843
http://imgur.com/VR2NLij
http://imgur.com/JwHob1y
http://imgur.com/NmcF6CY
http://imgur.com/lZSU7cN
http://imgur.com/AcE9x8E
http://imgur.com/dB4jjR9
http://imgur.com/77WTnBL
http://imgur.com/ayAJfvj
http://imgur.com/vhCpK6B
http://imgur.com/Yor0kDR
http://imgur.com/84QWZn2

Also, if you're bored or curious, I can outline the sort of funds I'll need in the immediate future, which means things are going to be VERY difficult to manage in the near future. As I said previously, I don't expect to be able to sleep on a bed for months, and typing on a computer is going to hurt.
Games are streamed at www.hitbox.tv/Aliciana/
No focus, any platform, suggestions welcome

Currently accepting Platinum Stars requests: http://forum.project-imas.com/index.php?topic=2575.0

http://forum.project-imas.com/index.php?topic=2415 - My technical notes on good quality recording.